


Vice

by TattooedNurse



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Other, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 11:01:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17559134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TattooedNurse/pseuds/TattooedNurse
Summary: Dean is your biggest vice, but you can’t bring yourself to stop.





	Vice

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for wonderfulworldofwinchester.tumblr.com Dancing into 1500 Song Fic Challenge.  
> The song is Miranda Lambert - Vice

You took a sip of whiskey, glancing at the jukebox as the next song started. Fucking perfect. This was definitely high on the list of songs you really didn’t need to hear right now.

_Steady as a needle dropping on a vinyl_   
_Neon singer with a jukebox title full of heartbreak_   
_Thirty-three, forty-five, seventy-eight_   
_When it hurts this good you gotta play it twice_   
_Another vice_

As if you needed more inspiration for your self-destructive thoughts. You knew you shouldn’t have done it. Just like every other time. You couldn’t remember when you fell in love with Dean, it had happened quickly, insidiously, so you couldn’t pinpoint it. You could remember the first time you kissed. The first time you felt him fill you – fuck… it had been life altering. Not just because he was good, and he was. Not just because he seemed to know your body by heart at the first touch, though he did. No… it had felt like home. It filled your eyes with tears, and they had rolled down your cheeks despite the pleasure you felt. It was an emotional release you hadn’t expected. And it had been almost as good as your other release.

Thankfully as much whiskey as you had both downed, he didn’t seem to notice the tears. The next morning, you woke feeling hopeful. It was a new feeling for you, the fluttering in your belly bringing a smile to your lips. It didn’t last. His first words to you were an apology. Explaining that it was a mistake. It wouldn’t happen again. You hid your pain, hid the disappointment. You just nodded and agreed, as if your heart hadn’t just been eviscerated. Sure, a one-time thing. You’d had more than your fair share of those. You knew how it went.

_All dressed up in a pretty black label_   
_Sweet salvation on a dining room table_   
_Waiting on me_   
_Where the numb meets the lonely_   
_It's gone before it ever melts the ice_

But it did happen again. It took a few months, but this time there was no alcohol involved. The catalyst had been a near death experience that left you both rattled. You needed each other to feel alive. And it worked. Holy fuck did it work. The next morning, he had barely gotten the apology out and you were pulling on your jeans. You didn’t know where your panties had ended up, but you needed out of there, with or without them.

_Another vice, another call_   
_Another bed I shouldn't crawl out of_   
_At seven a.m. with shoes in my hand_   
_Said I wouldn't do it, but I did it again_   
_And I know I'll be back tomorrow night, oh_

Again, and again you gave in to him. You no longer needed excuses or alcohol to fall into bed together. You and Dean were like magnets… pulled to each other for carnal pleasure. You just couldn’t say no. It didn’t matter how much it hurt the next morning. The ache in your chest that had become your constant companion. The pleasure of the moment was worth it, though. Pretending that he felt the same. Felt something, anything at all, for you. You knew you were his mistake, but he was your reward… even if it was only for one night. And the more ‘one night’s there were, the more you hoped for the next… and the more the morning hurt. The throbbing in your chest had been there for so long now, you almost forgot what not being in pain felt like. Losing yourself in Dean was the only time you didn’t feel it… until you woke up. And here you were again, the morning after.

_I wear a town like a leather jacket_   
_When the new wears off, I don't even pack it_   
_If you need me_   
_I'll be where my reputation don't proceed me_   
_Maybe I'm addicted to goodbyes_

This time, you hadn’t even waited for him to wake up. You had tiptoed out of his room, dressing quickly and heading for the garage. The bunker had been quiet, so you hadn’t expected to see Sam sitting at the table. He had looked at you, his discomfort at the situation plain on his face. You figured he noticed your eyes shining with unshed tears. Your hair was messy from the night before. Hell, you were still carrying your boots. You gave him a quick goodbye before hurrying up the stairs. You pretended not to hear when he called after you.

_Another vice, another town_   
_Where my past can't run me down_   
_Another life, another call_   
_Another bed I shouldn't crawl out of_   
_At seven a.m. with shoes in my hand_   
_Said I wouldn't do it, but I did it again_   
_And I know I'll be gone tomorrow night_   
_Mmm, another vice_

And now you were here. In a bar. Sipping whiskey and trying not to feel. You kind of wanted to punch whoever had put this song on. Seriously. You really didn’t need help wallowing right now. And this wasn’t a happy bar song. It was more of a throwback to old Hank songs, even though musically it had a 70’s rock feel to it as well. Definitely an introspective, cry in your beer, sort of song. Speaking of. You asked the bartender for another whiskey and added a beer.

_Standing at the sink now, looking in a mirror_   
_Don't know where I am or how I got here_   
_Well, the only thing that I know how to find_   
_Is another vice_

You felt movement and heard the stool next to you get dragged back. You glanced over and froze. Dean. Oh fuck. What was he… how did he know…

“Hey, you left,” he frowned, his eyes searching yours.

You furrowed your brow. “Yeah. That’s usually how this goes.” You forced a smile that didn’t reach your eyes.

Dean looked down, a look that almost seemed like regret on his face. “I know… and I’m sorry.”

You nodded, not looking at him. He came here to apologize again? Didn’t he know you left so you wouldn’t have to hear him say he was sorry for something that made you happy? Something that you wanted more than anything? He touched your chin, turning your face to his.

“Not sorry about last night… Fuck, can’t be sorry about our nights anymore. I’m sorry about this morning. About you feeling like you had to leave. Can we talk?”

_Mmm, another vice_   
_Yes, another vice_   
_Ooh, another vice_   
_Another vice_

 


End file.
